


Francestuck

by myth_taken



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - World War II, F/F, Pilots, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-02-22 22:46:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2524481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myth_taken/pseuds/myth_taken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is KANAYA MARYAM. You could go into a LENGTHY SPIEL as to everything you’ve ever been INTERESTED IN, but right now a FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR is walking across the airfield towards the AVRO ANSON AIRCRAFT in which you are currently seated, so you think you’d better deal with that instead.</p><p>Your name is ROSE LALONDE. You are an INTERROGATOR for the WAAF, which is an acronym for the WOMEN'S AUXILIARY AIR FORCE. You are AMERICAN, but you happen to possess CERTAIN SKILLS that are more easily taken advantage of by the European front. Many of them enable you to do ETHICALLY AMBIGUOUS things, and you try not to TAKE ADVANTAGE of that power.</p><p>--</p><p>World War II AU unashamedly inspired by the book Code Name Verity (it's different, but much of my interest in this time period and particularly the women of this time period comes from that book).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. => Fly Plane

 A young pilot sits in a cockpit. Although it was nineteen years ago she was given life, it is only now she will be given a Class Three pilot ranking.

What is this pilot’s objective?

=> Enter objective.

Go to the moon.

Ew, no. Why would you do that? The moon’s far away, and the aircrafts you fly would never have the capacity for exiting the Earth’s atmosphere.

=> Try again.

Pass your first flight test.

Much better.

Specifically, you are making an attempt at the Air Transport Auxiliary’s test to fly Class 3 planes. Passing this test will make you eligible to ferry certain planes around Britain. You’ve been practicing for months.

=>

But first things first.

You haven’t even mentioned your name yet! How rude.

=> Enter name.

Your name is KANAYA MARYAM. You could go into a LENGTHY SPIEL as to everything you’ve ever been INTERESTED IN, but right now a FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR is walking across the airfield towards the AVRO ANSON AIRCRAFT in which you are currently seated, so you think you’d better deal with that instead.

=> Kanaya: Exchange words with flight instructor.

He’s going to sit with you as you show him your skills. You’re fairly confident that you’ll pass. Still, some people don’t give lady pilots the proper amount of respect.

He hops up into the cockpit with you.

=> Kanaya: Fly plane.

You take off smoothly, listening for instructions.The examiner puts you through a few turns, then has you go a bit farther, then has you circle back for your landing. Your landing isn’t as good as your takeoff, but it’s passable. Which is exactly what the instructor tells you. You pass with flying colors.

Flying, get it?

Never mind.

=> Kanaya: Enter air base.

It’s a drab, gray building. As most buidlings attached to are when attached to airfields.

=> Kanaya: Check bulletin board for assignment.

Every air base has one. Some bulletin board somewhere specifically to inform pilots of their next assignment.

Yours says that you will be ferrying an interrogator to someplace in France in approximately one hour.

=> Kanaya: Be the interrogator.

 


	2. => Become Disillusioned With the War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rose Lalonde meets and discusses morality with her pilot before the plane crash-lands.  
> EDIT: I forgot a bit of the beginning, so I added it.

 A young interrogator sits in a room. Although it is many years ago she was given life, it is only today she has become completely disillusioned with it.

What is the reason for this disillusionment?

=> Enter reason.

Ran out of chocolate.

Fortunately, you haven't yet reached that level of desperation.

=> Try again.

Ruined a young German's life.

A pilot. Too young for the war. To deceived by the government's propaganda to know what's right.

And you broke him. Watched as he revealed all his secrets.

It's a good thing this job pays well.

Anyway, you haven't even mentioned your name yet. What is your name?

=> Enter name. 

Your name is ROSE LALONDE. You are an INTERROGATOR for the WAAF, which is an acronym for the WOMEN'S AUXILIARY AIR FORCE. You are AMERICAN, but you happen to possess CERTAIN SKILLS that are more useful for the European front. Many of them enable you to do ETHICALLY AMBIGUOUS things, and you try not to TAKE ADVANTAGE of that power.

You also have an affinity for POETRY, and you have dabbled in PSYCHOLOGY. In your free time, you like to KNIT THINGS for your FRIENDS, most of whom are in America working on a SECRET GOVERNMENT PROGRAM. You never paid too much attention to it. Possibly you shouldn't have mentioned it just now. You provide SARCASM and DEPTH to the group, in your oh-so-humble opinion.

=> Rose: Check for flight assignment.

You already checked for that! You're leaving in an hour, probably with another pilot who’s only ferrying you because he wasn’t good enough for the RAF, or Royal Air Force. You resign yourself to another flight sitting awkwardly in the back of a tiny plane.

=> Kanaya: Wait an hour.

There's not much to do. It's nice to have some time, though.

=> Kanaya: Go to plane.

It's a Moth, a Hawk Moth to be precise. It's made for passengers; very likely taken from a civilian to aid the war effort. You feel bad for the civilians who can't fly because their planes have been taken. You don't know how you'd cope with that. Flight is important to you.

=> Rose: Go to plane.

It's another one of the passenger types. You get those a lot; they rarely send fighter jets to ferry interrogators, after all. And, standing next to the plane, is... a woman? She's quite tall, and her goggle hat, as you call the pilot headgear, means you can't get a good glimpse of her hair. It also suggests that perhaps this woman is the pilot. How intriguing.

=> Rose: Speak with woman.

 

ROSE: Hello. I take it you are the pilot assigned the menial and altogether detrimental task of transporting me from place to place?

KANAYA: That Would In Fact Be My Purpose At The Moment 

ROSE: I was unaware that they allowed women to do that job.

KANAYA: They Do

KANAYA: I Was Unaware That They Allowed Women To Do A Job Worthy Of My Services

ROSE: It’s not common.

KANAYA: Much As Id Love To Stand Around And Chat A Bit More

KANAYA: We Are Required To Get Into The Plane And Fly Away Now

ROSE: Well, I’m not going to argue with you on that.

ROSE: Especially seeing as you are, as far as I can tell, the expert here.

KANAYA: I Have Trained For A Very Long Time

KANAYA: I Do Hope I Have Achieved Some Level Of Expertise

ROSE: I’m sure your skills will be adequate, particularly given previous experiences of mine.

KANAYA: Some Of The Class One Pilots Can Be Quite Obnoxious

KANAYA: They Are Also Frequently Incompetent

KANAYA: Dont Worry I Have Achieved Class Three

KANAYA: So I Am Slightly More Competent

KANAYA: I Cant Speak To Obnoxious However

ROSE: Lovely.

KANAYA: I Am Currently Incapable Of Understanding

KANAYA: Was That Last Statement Intended As Sarcasm 

ROSE: No, I actually genuinely considered your uncertainty to be, as I stated, “lovely.”

KANAYA: Ill Take That As A Yes Then

 

=> Kanaya: Get in plane.

You get into the cockpit, preparing all the instruments for flight.

=> Rose: Get in plane.

You climb into the back of the plane. This is a lovely comfortable one. It’s your favorite type they’ve given you to fly in, and you get it often because it’s a passenger plane, useless for fighting.

=> Kanaya: Take off.

You go through the necessary pre-flight checks and preparations, then ask your passenger if she’s ready. When she responds with a yes, you begin moving the plane towards the runway. The takeoff is smooth, and then you’re in the air.

=> Rose: Ask the pilot a question.

You have some time here, after all.

 

ROSE: How did you get them to teach you to fly?

KANAYA: They Are Rather Desperate For Pilots

KANAYA: And All The Men Are Off Flying For The Royal Air Force

KANAYA: I Am Not The Only Woman Pilot Involved In The Air Transport Auxiliary

KANAYA: Although We Would Appear To Be An Endangered Species

KANAYA: How Did You Get Them To Let You Do

KANAYA: Whatever It Is That You Do

ROSE: I happen to have an affinity for psychoanalysis, which allows me to turn a person’s own thoughts against them. Also, I can be quite persuasive when I want to be.

KANAYA: Your Voice Is American

KANAYA: Did You Move Here Solely For The Opportunity Of Questioning Foreign Strangers

ROSE: Yes. I wanted to travel, and I saw the chance.

ROSE: I did not account for it being so difficult. Nor did I account for suddenly gaining a moral compass.

KANAYA: One Of The Benefits Of Pilot Work Is That It Does Not Invoke The Power Of My Moral Compass

ROSE: Actually, if you consider the implications of your job, you’ll find that a moral compass is quite important.

ROSE: You deliver weapons. Don’t you consider who those weapons kill?

KANAYA: I Try Very Hard Not To

ROSE: Oh, of course that makes it all okay. You don’t think about it, therefore it’s all right. 

KANAYA: It Is Easier

KANAYA: I Needed To Do Something Interesting With My Life

KANAYA: I Have Done It

KANAYA: Albeit At The Expense Of Others

KANAYA: Someone Else Would Be Doing This Job Had I Not Chosen It

KANAYA: There Are Waiting Lists

ROSE: Of course. War was created to defy morality. You’d think they’d stop after a while, though. 

KANAYA: It Has Not Taken A Ridiculous Amount Of Time So Far

KANAYA: Many Wars Have Lasted Longer

ROSE: That doesn’t bode well for the future of this one.

KANAYA: I Like To Hold Out A Bit Of Hope

ROSE: Many of us do.

KANAYA: Oh No

ROSE: I can only assume that wasn't meant as your sentiments towards the concept of holding out hope.

KANAYA: It Was Not

KANAYA: Rather It Was Regarding The Fact That There Are German Planes Near Us 

KANAYA: We May Have To Attempt An Emergency Landing If They Start Shooting

KANAYA: Do Not Worry Its Perfectly Safe

KANAYA: Well

KANAYA: Not Perfectly Safe But Fairly Safe

KANAYA: In Comparison To How Safe We Might Be If We Were Not To Land

KANAYA: It Looks Like We Will Be Forced To Land

KANAYA: We Are Directly Over France

KANAYA: We Can Find A Field

KANAYA: How Is Your French

ROSE: I’m an interrogator. Use of many languages is imperative for my job.

KANAYA: That Is Good

KANAYA: Especially Given That Pilots Are Only Required To Know One Language

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I worked out the formatting! Yay! So hopefully I'll update a bit more often now.


	3. ==> Kanaya: Land plane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been ages since I've updated this, but it's 4/13, so I might as well commemorate it somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still doing this! I have more written, and hopefully I'll post it soon. Maybe next week-ish? I have a pretty busy schedule until then. Also, my Karkat characterization is not that great here. I'm working on that.

=> Kanaya: Land plane.

 You land the plane, although it may not be as intact as you’d hoped. Still, you were being shot at. It’s a fairly impressive landing for one who was being shot at.

You kick the door open and hop out, surveying the damage. It’s not too bad, but it might not fly again. Meaning you’ll have to find your own way out. You and Rose. Hm. 

=> Kanaya: Check to see Rose is okay.

You open Rose’s door. She looks unharmed.

KANAYA: Are You All Right

ROSE: Apart from the way my psyche was shattered earlier this evening, I’m perfectly fine.

KANAYA: Im Sorry To Have Shattered Your Psyche

ROSE: It wasn’t you.

=> Rose: Exit plane

You hop down from the plane. 

It looks mauled. You’re unsure how you’re going to get home, as this plane certainly won’t do it. Hopefully you’re still valuable enough to the British government to be retrieved. Or at least enough of a threat to security if cut loose. 

=> Rose: Assess surroundings.

Thank goodness for your training. There’s not much around, but you see a few houses in the distance. You point them out to your companion.

ROSE: I can see a few houses over there.

KANAYA: Their Inhabitants May Not Be Friendly To Britain

KANAYA: However That Is The Best Hope We Have At The Moment

ROSE: Then let’s go.

=> Rose: Begin walking to houses.

You set off, and Kanaya joins you. However, you didn’t account for the possibility of someone having noticed your crash, an eventuality you regret considering, as a noise behind you causes both you and your companion to turn around. A very . . . loud voice immediately begins yelling.

KARKAT: WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK DO THE TWO OF YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING IN THIS SHITTY FIELD?

KARKAT: I MEAN, I CAN’T EVEN GET FUCKING CORN TO GROW ON THIS THING. SO I GUESS IT’S ALL YOURS IF YOU WANT.

KANAYA: You Are Not Speaking French

KARKAT: OF COURSE I’M NOT SPEAKING FRENCH. WHY WOULD I BE SPEAKING THE LANGUAGE OF THIS SHITTY COUNTRY WHEN YOUR PLANE IS PAINFULLY OBVIOUSLY ENGLISH?

ROSE: Well, given that we landed in a field in France, we were expecting some more... culture than we evidently are about to receive.

KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I’M VERY CULTURED.I HAVE MORE FUCKING CULTURE THAN THE REST OF THE WORLD COMBINED. I’M JUST NOT PARTICULARLY INCLINED TO EXPLORE THE FRENCH CULTURE.

KANAYA: Is That An American Accent I Detect

KARKAT: OF COURSE IT’S A FUCKING AMERICAN ACCENT. WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM? A FUCKING ENGLISHMAN?

ROSE: Well, seeing as our original speculation that you may be French proved to be woefully inaccurate, I’m not sure we have any ideas of who or what you may be at this point in our interaction.

KANAYA: As Wonderful As It Is For Us To Be Getting To Know Each Other A Little Bit More

KANAYA: Rose And I Are In Rather Dire Need Of Some Assisstance

KANAYA: So Unless You Are Willing To Provide That

KANAYA: We Should Terminate The Current Conversation In Search Of Shelter And Perhaps A Working Telephone

KARKAT: WHO EVEN ARE YOU? I DON’T KNOW IF YOU COULD TELL, BUT WE DON’T GET A LOT OF TOURIST AROUND HERE.

KARKAT: PRIMARILY BECAUSE THIS IS SUCH A SHITTY PLACE THAT NO ONE WOULD PURPOSELY TRAVEL HERE.

KANAYA: Yes Well

KANAYA: It Was Not Exactly On Purpose

KANAYA: I Am A Ferry Pilot

KANAYA: Assigned To Ferry Rose Lalonde To A French Town

KANAYA: Where Presumably An Unfortunate Prisoner Is Still Languishing

KANAYA: Waiting For His Inquisition

KANAYA: Which

KANAYA: Due To Our Inopportune Descent From The Heavens

KANAYA: May Never Come

ROSE: I’m sure they’ll find some other poor girl to destroy their prisoners’ mental health.

KARKAT: I’M SURE THEY WILL. HOWEVER, THAT’S NOT EXACTLY OUR FUCKING PROBLEM, IS IT?

ROSE: I would, in fact, consider it my problem. They’re subjecting multiple people to what could arguably be called psychological torture.

ROSE: However, I admit that there are more important things at hand.

KARKAT: THANK THE FUCKING HEAVENS.

KARKAT: I ASSUME YOU TWO ARE IN NEED OF A TEMPORARY SHELTER? PERHAPS A TELEPHONE?

KANAYA: That Would Be Quite Nice

KANAYA: Although First I Should Make Sure The Communication Devices Attached To My Plane Are As Defunct As I Suspect Them To Be

=> Kanaya: Check the plame for working parts.

You can’t find anything that wasn’t at least jarred into uselessness. You go back to Rose and the loud man and tell them as much. With an air of slight disappointment, the three of you walk in the direction the loud man leads you. You decide to start a conversation. 

KANAYA: Might I Ask Your Name

KANAYA: I Only Ask So I May Be Able To Quit Referring To You As The Unprecedentedly Loud Man Who Swears A Lot

KARKAT: KARKAT VANTAS. AT YOUR FUCKING SERVICE.

ROSE: Rose Lalonde. At yours. But you may feel free to call me Your Majesty.

KANAYA: Is That A Hint Of Sarcasm I Detect

KANAYA: Regardless Of Miss Lalondes Terrible Sarcasm Affliction

KANAYA: I Am Kanaya Maryam

ROSE: Yes, well. The real question is, do you know any numbers we might call?

ROSE: That question was directed at Kanaya, if it isn’t already obvious to you, Mr. Vantas.

KANAYA: I May Have A Few Written Down

KANAYA: The Air Transport Auxiliary May Also Have A Way To Detect The Location Of The Planes Demise

KANAYA: Do You Have Any Numbers

ROSE: I have acquaintances in America who may be able to direct us to the ATA or WAAF. However, I’m not sure we should risk that unless it becomes absolutely necessary.

KANAYA: Why Is It Considered A Risk

ROSE: They’re rather . . . odd. And quite absorbed in their daily activities. I’m not sure they’d remember to contact the WAAF if I asked.

ROSE: Well, Vriska might. But I’m not willing to risk allowing her to come into contact with any officials. Or, rather, any officials she hasn’t already managed to piss off.

KANAYA: I Do Not Believe That Will Be Necessary 

KANAYA: Im Sure I Can Dredge Up A Few Numbers

KARKAT: NOW YOU’VE WORKED OUT YOUR FUCKING PHONE LOGISTICS, CAN WE GO INSIDE? IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED, WE HAVE ARRIVED AT MY PLACE OF RESIDENCE. FORTUNATELY, IT ISN’T MUCH SHITTIER THAN THAT FIELD, BUT UNFORTUNATELY, IT IS STILL SHITTY AS FUCK.

ROSE: Well, after that charming introduction, I’m dying to enter.

KARKAT: SHUT UP.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh fun fact: this fic has been stolen by that one website that's stealing fics from ao3. so like. if you want to /pay/ for reading my trash fanfiction you can go there. or you can stay here and read it for 0 money. your choice. (does that site even make you pay??? i don't know. i feel vaguely honored to be on it though)


	4. ==> Karkat: Enter home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the best part of this was researching 40's slang for dave. i didn't use much of it here, but more is coming, i promise. (also, it strikes me that everything about this au is horribly historically inaccurate but just pretend it's not, okay?)

  
=> Karkat: Enter home.

If it can even be called a home. 

But you haven’t had a proper introduction yet! 

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS. You are TWENTY ONE YEARS OLD and REGRETTING THE SEQUENCE OF EVENTS that led to your life here. You enjoy SHITTY MOVIES and you are CONSTANTLY ANGRY. Perhaps if the world wasn’t as shitty as it is you would be LESS SO. You’ve been trying to GROW CORN on this fucking field for about TWO YEARS NOW. You’ve been considering RELOCATION.

=> Karkat: This introduction is fucking pointless.

You step into your house, leading the two women in behind you.

KARKAT: HERE WE ARE  
KARKAT: SORRY IT’S SUCH A SHITHOLE  
KANAYA: The Shithole Nature Of The House Does Not Impede Our Ability To Use A Telephone  
ROSE: I am willing to make contact whichever mundane official we choose.  
KANAYA: Let Me See If I Have A Viable Number Written Down Anywhere

=> Kanaya: Check pockets.

You check the pockets of your uniform, looking for your pilot’s notebook. Unfortunately, you took it out of your pocket during the flight, and it has either burned or been lost in the plane’s wreckage.

KANAYA: It Would Appear That I Do Not  
KARKAT: IT’S OVER THERE

=> Kanaya: Call Aradia  
You pick up the phone and dial one of your friends. She works as a mechanic, and you think she works for the RAF. 

ARADIA: hell0  
KANAYA: Hello Aradia  
KANAYA: This Is Kanaya  
KANAYA: However I Have Found Myself In Something Of A Predicament  
KANAYA: I Was Wondering If You Could Contact The Royal Air Force And Tell Them That One Of Their Pilots Is Stranded In France With One Interrogator  
ARADIA: i c0uld d0 that  
ARADIA: but i have to ask  
ARADIA: are y0u sure y0u want t0 g0 back  
ARADIA: this might be where y0ure meant t0 be  
KANAYA: Youre Doing Your Pseudopsychic Thing Again  
KANAYA: Thats Not Technically A Word  
KANAYA: However It Is A Thing  
KANAYA: That You Are Doing  
ARADIA: im just saying  
ARADIA: y0u might be happier the way y0u are  
KANAYA: I Dont Think So  
KANAYA: Please Just Tell Them  
ARADIA: all right  
ARADIA: i mean either way i d0nt really care  
ARADIA: wh0s with y0u  
ARADIA: in case they ask  
KANAYA: I Believe Her Name Is Rose Lalonde  
ARADIA: 0k  
ARADIA: i will c0ntact the necessary 0fficials  
ARADIA: can i call y0u back at this number  
KANAYA: I May Not Be The One Answering But Im Sure Ill Be Around  
ARADIA: 0k  
ARADIA: is that all  
KANAYA: Yes  
ARADIA: 0k  
ARADIA: bye  
KANAYA: Goodbye Aradia

=> Kanaya: hang up phone  
You put the phone back on the wall and turn away from it, realizing there’s someone else in the room. He has long, blond hair, floppy over his eyes, which are further obscured by large sunglasses. 

????: whats up  
????: you one of the girls who dropped out of the sky into karkats field?  
KANAYA: Yes  
KANAYA: I Take It You Also Live Here  
????: no i just creep around  
????: karkat doesnt actually know im here  
????: youd think hed have caught on by now but nope  
ROSE: I take it you say that with a certain degree of insincerity, unless you are the sort of person who enjoys such shenanigans.  
????: nah karkats my buddy  
????: we live together and farm i guess  
????: we even go through the worst of rhymes together  
????: speaking of rhymes i dont suppose two dashing girls like you would want to hear some?  
KANAYA: I Dont Suppose It Either  
????: well i sorta set myself up for that one  
????: still i gotta say welcome to our house  
????: the keenest of welcomes and all that  
ROSE: Your welcome is graciously accepted.  
????: thanks man  
????: girl  
????: whatever  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is all i've written up to this point. before, i was posting whenever i thought of it, but i had about this much written. i'm going to have a goal of updating once a week on Sunday, but that might not work out.


	5. => ????: Introduce yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is really short. hopefully it'll be longer next week.

=> Someone else: Introduce yourself.

Of course! How could you have been so rude?

Your name is DAVE STRIDER. You are FRENCH and PROUD OF IT. You are a huge fan of the finer types of IRONY, as well as of SLAM POETRY. In fact, sometimes you set your poetry to MUSIC, and you think it sounds PRETTY DAMN GOOD.

You help RUN A FARM with one KARKAT VANTAS, and it has been suspected that the two of you are SLIGHTLY MORE INTIMATE than you would ever LET ON. You have NO COMMENT on those rumors. Your favorite part of the farm is undeniably BRAIDING THE MANES OF THE HORSES. Ironically, of course.

=> Dave: Inquire into these lovely young ladies’ reasons for being in the sky in the first place.

DAVE: so um  
DAVE: where do yall come from  
ROSE: We are creatures of the sky, surviving by finding lone airplanes to hijack and fly. Sometimes the planes malfunction, though, and we must deign to descend upon the Earth.  
KANAYA: What Are You Talking About  
KANAYA: Do Not Listen To Her She May Have Hit Her Head When We Crashed And Therefore Is Currently A Bit Wacky  
ROSE: Please excuse my colleague. She appears to have never experienced the phenomenon known as sarcasm.  
KANAYA: Oh Right  
ROSE: I suppose it would be futile to conceal our origins at this point, although you should be warned that much of our reason for descending upon your field in the dead of night is classified.  
KANAYA: Meaning That We Will Not Be Telling You A Word Of It  
KANAYA: Isnt That Right Miss Lalonde  
ROSE: Right. Of course.  
KARKAT: I THINK WE’RE MISSING THE ACTUAL QUESTION HERE  
KARKAT: THE ACTUAL QUESTION BEING, OF COURSE, WHEN THE FUCK ARE YOU GETTING OUT OF HERE  
KARKAT: OUR RATION COUPONS ONLY GO SO FAR.  
KANAYA: It Truly Depends On When Aradia Gets Back To Me  
KANAYA: Dont Worry She Is Quite Reliable  
KANAYA: But Youre Not Obligated To Keep Us Of Course And Although I Cant Speak For My Counterpart I Would Be Glad To Help With Various Mundane Tasks That Require Completion  
DAVE: shit we cant turn you away i mean were not completely wild animals  
KARKAT: I WOULD LIKE TO SEND A LETTER OF DISAGREEMENT TO ONE DAVID STRIDER  
KARKAT: WAIT NO. “LETTER OF DISAGREEMENT” SOUNDS FUCKING RIDICULOUS.  
KARKAT: BASICALLY I WOULD LIKE TO INFORM MISTER STRIDER THAT WE ARE, IN FACT, COMPLETELY WILD ANIMALS.  
DAVE: fine  
DAVE: that points irrelevant anyway  
DAVE: basically what im trying to say here is something along the lines of karkles they followed me home can i keep them  
KARKAT: ONLY IF YOU PROMISE NEVER TO USE THE WORD “KARKLES” IN MY PRESENCE EVER AGAIN.  
DAVE: but its a sign of affection  
KARKAT: IT'S AN UTTERLY TERRIBLE SIGN OF AFFECTION. PLEASE REDIRECT YOUR AFFECTION INTO LAVISH GIFTS OR SOMETHING ACTUALLY FUCKING USEFUL.  
DAVE: of course i will kitkat  
ROSE: Your charity is generously accepted. Of course, as Kanaya mentioned, if there are any mundane tasks the two of you wish us to complete during our stay, we would be much obliged to do them. Or non-mundane, really; I am quite good at picking locks and doing hair, and Kanaya here is capable of flying three different classes of plane, which is apparently quite impressive, although I confess to not understanding the import.  
KARKAT: WE LIVE ON A FARM. THERE IS A LOT OF FARM-RELATED WORK TO BE DONE, EVEN ON A FARM AS SHITTY AS THIS ONE FOR SOME GODFORSAKEN REASON.IF YOU’RE ACTUALLY SO EAGER TO HELP US RUN THIS PLACE, BE MY GUEST.  
ROSE: It strikes me that this will mean getting up early in the morning. I may find myself regretting my life choices shortly.  
KANAYA: I Think We Can Probably Handle It  
ROSE: With much difficulty, we can overcome all barriers.  
DAVE: ok so how are we gonna make this all work out  
DAVE: we have approximately two bedrooms  
KARKAT: BY “APPROXIMATELY” HE MEANS “EXACTLY” EXCEPT HE DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW HOW TO USE WORDS  
DAVE: please excuse karkats unfortunate complete misunderstanding of the concept of humor  
DAVE: heres the thing though the rooms all have decently sized beds  
KARKAT: SO IF YOU TWO AREN’T REPULSED BY THE CONCEPT OF SHARING A BED WITH ANOTHER PERSON, FEEL FREE TO TAKE OVER ONE OF THOSE  
KARKAT: THAT’S BASICALLY WHAT HE’S SAYING. I FELT THE NEED TO INTERVENE BEFORE HE STARTED THINKING OF WHAT HE COULD RHYME WITH BED  
DAVE: heres a hint   
DAVE: it was going to involve the word behead   
DAVE: please refrain from beheading each other unless its for the sake of some fantastic rhymes   
ROSE: I see no reason for that not to work. Kanaya?  
KANAYA: Well We Cant Exactly Pick And Choose Here  
KARKAT: WELL, AT LEAST THE TWO OF YOU HAVE SOME ACTUAL SENSE. UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE I COULD MENTION.


End file.
